On Tuesday, January 12, 2016, I “blubbered” these words in between my tears to my friends and family who were in attendance at my Dad’s Memorial service held at Tulocay Cemetery (located in Napa, California originally established in 1859).
Good morning,
I’m so pleased you’re all here today. Each of you are important to me or my Mom, and you’re showing your love and concern and grief today…. Because you care about us. That’s very special, and I will always remember this day, and your faces. Today, I’m gathering memories that will never be erased.
I look around this room and I see people who love my Dad. All of you are testimony of much we all loved my Dad. But, Why? What did he do to make us love him so much?
The answer is easy, … easy for all of us. ….. “We love Wes Romine, because he loved us so much.”
That statement means all the world to me. You see….. I loved my Dad like no one else. He has a piece of my heart that no one else can have. My Dad will forever own a part of me that is exclusively his.
Love is complicated. And so it takes some serious thought to describe what I value most about my Dad. Let me take a few moments to tell you what he has forever deposited into my heart:
- My Dad’s love never gave up…
- When I was born, I must have been quite a surprise. Not anything that was expected. But, my Mom and Dad loved me like there wasn’t anything different between me and the next kid. I always knew that. I was 5 years old and I knew that. Every other kid knew that their parents loved them, but I secretly knew that it took a little extra in my case. But, my Dad never let on. I never guessed it was more work or more expense or more effort. My Dad loved me … like it was easy.
- My Dad’s love cared more for others than for himself…
- In some families, there is competition for love. Like it would run out and there wouldn’t be enough to go around. I never thought that. My Dad seemed to have an infinite supply of love. It didn’t cost my Dad anything to love people. He didn’t get exhausted caring for the ones he loved.
- My Dad didn’t strut around or get a swelled head…
- He was an airline pilot, back when that really meant something extra special. But he never let me brag about that to the other kids. Dad made it clear that he wasn’t above other people, he was just a regular guy. He grew up on on farm, and I knew that was where he felt grounded and connected to the meaning of life.
- My Dad never imposed on other people…
- For some reason, he thought that people were capable of handling their own business, and they didn’t need his 2 cents. I always valued my Dad’s advice. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t offer it to others, more often. When I was 10 or 11, I realized that maybe other people didn’t appreciate good advice, so they needed to ask first. Most people don’t ask, so they never appreciated how thoughtful and careful and wise my Dad was.
- My Dad never demanded to be “treated better than others”…
- When our family traveled by air, the rule was “first on, last off”. What I figured out from that was, we needed to get on first so that we didn’t slow people down when they were getting on-board. And, we got off last so they could get off quicker. …. “Don’t be a burden to other people”. I’m still that way. I hate to be in other people’s way.
- May Dad never “flew off the handle”….
- One time when I was in elementary school, I was in the car with Mom. Dad was in a second car, following us. We were on the 101 freeway towards Ventura. All of a sudden, some guy cut my Mom off and she veered away to avoid a crash. We pulled off along the shoulder. My Dad walked up to the window, and my Mom was crying. She was scared. I looked at my Dad and he had anger and hatred and violence in his eyes. If that guy had been close by, I don’t know what my Dad would have done. I never saw that look in my Dad’s eyes ever again. My Dad was never rash, or uncontrolled or unpredictable. He was dependable.
- My Dad never kept score…
- Don’t get me wrong. My Dad always knew the score. He knew if you had done him or his family wrong. He knew if you lied or cheated. But, he never let you know that he knew. He didn’t throw it in your face. Dad didn’t have a lot of friends. I am the same way. I pick my friends VERY CAREFULLY. If you’re my friend…. You earned it. If you were my Dad’s friend, it’s because you earned it. You’re here today, because you earned a place in my Dad’s heart. You can be proud of that. Not everyone was my Dad’s friend.
- My Dad never gloated over his successes…
- It was always important to my Dad that we never take our success for granted. If we did something right, so be it. If we did something that failed, then we tried harder the next time. That’s how I live. Romine’s don’t assume that the good times will always be ours. We plan for the worst. I was in college and I remember believing that, “If you expect the worst, then you can’t be disappointed.” That’s the key to resilience.
- My Dad always took pleasure in the truth…
- He read a lot of books. Mostly non-fiction, or fact-based novels. He loved to hear how truth and justice overcomes people’s worst tendencies. Doing the right thing is never glamorous. It’s a sacrifice. The Devil makes you pay for your good deeds. Dad never got enough credit for his good deeds. They were simple and quiet. People maybe didn’t notice. But, I noticed. Dad was a good man. He never wanted to be recognized as more than that.
- My Dad rolled with the ups-and-downs of life…
- Crisis was not a word we used at home. When bad things happened, we just dealt with it. Failure was quitting. If you picked yourself up, then you didn’t fail…. You just gave yourself another chance to succeed. What a wonderful way to see life. That was my Dad.
- My Dad looked for the best, never looking back, but going on to the the end…
- Our family had a million plans for the future. Not many came true. I remember that we always said, “One day we will have a pool, and we can swim in it anytime we want”. My parents never owned a pool. I was so disappointed. Then a few years later, I realized that I didn’t care so much about the pool. But, I loved looking forward to something. I learned from my Dad that having something you hope for is necessary for happiness. People that don’t hope for anything are miserable.
These are the things I have cherished all my life, and I always will. My Dad is gone…. For a while…. But, I will see him again.
His love for you and me, is not gone. His love has not stopped, even though we miss him so much.
